Kishor Krishnamoorthi’s WebsiteKishor a.k.a Mjuboy’s Blog

…you do not talk about fight club.”

Quite possibly some of the most famous lines uttered in any movie. While I’ve heard these lines over and over again, I never quite knew what they meant until earlier today when I finally watched ‘Fight Club‘ for the first time.

And I could not have watched it at a more appropriate time. *For those who have never seen it before, there may be a few spoilers ahead.*

Fight Club Soap

The whole theme of having two lives within yourself, fighting yourself struck a chord within me tabout what I was thinking to myself earlier today. Who are we? Are we who we are? Or are we who we want to be? Read those lines again. Surprisingly enough, most of the time, we try to be who we want to be and forgot ourselves in the process. Quipping J.Krishnamurti, acceptance of who we are is the first step in bettering ourselves as a person. What’s the second step? You’ll learn that yourself as time passes.

I am stuck in a similar dilemma in life right now. I am who I am. Or am I? Its a very important question to ask ourselves. Should we become what society expects us to become? Or should we stay who we are? Tough choice. There is no right answer to that question. Sometimes, we do what society wants us to do. Sometimes, we do what we want to. As Mel Gibson once proudly exclaimed in Braveheart, ‘Your heart is free, have the courage to follow it.’ Those are important words indeed. Most of the times, listening to your inner conscious will lead us to the right result for both ourselves and society. But following your conscious takes a great deal of confidence, courage and perseverance, and that is what sets the men apart from the boys.

As time flows and the inevitable truth of ‘the big bad world’ looms over me, I need to make a decision as to what I want to do with my life. The career I take up will define me as a person, as a human being, as a son and as a family man. It is easy to follow in the footsteps of others but no man has ever made history by taking the well-worn path. Standing up from above the crowd, making a positive change to lives other than yours, the willingness to give up everything for the benefit of others, these are values that make one man the leader, and the others followers. I will end with one of my favourite quotes from the movie ‘The Emperor’s Club’ – ‘Great ambition and conquest without contribution is without significance. What will your contribution be? How will history remember you?’

Currently listening to – Lemon by U2

Update – This article reflects my feelings perfectly.

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I spent the majority of this week at NUS (National Union of Students) Active Political Leadership Training where I learnt a lot about not only being a more effective leader but being a better person as well.

One thing the training made me was to question myself, what I was doing, why I was doing it, for whose benefit was I doing it and did I really need to do it? They sound like fairly simple and straight forward questions but sometimes, we get so caught up in routine and its important to step back and take a look at the bigger picture in life. It is a refreshing exercise whose answers may not immediately occur but stirs up a chain of reactions which make us improve ourselves.

Several other modules of the training were rather useful as well, such as the workshop on public speaking where we were shown inspirational speeches every 10 minutes and had to write a speech in the break of 10 minutes and by the end of an hour, we all read out our speeches to each other and gave anonymous feedback which was brilliant. The simulation of a Students’ Union executive, also known as Fibchester did not quite live up to its name from my point of view but it was still a fun group exercise. Learning the history of Students’ Union was eye-opening as was techniques for lobbying and influencing. Recognizing your style of leadership was rather interesting as we tried to differentiate from what style we wanted to be and style we actually were.

The networking opportunities were fantastic and I definitely learnt a lot from meeting all the various officers from other Unions. The sad state of affairs at a surprisingly large number of other Students’ Union suddenly made me appreciate ours much more. And the fact that a lot of people don’t feel a sense of duty and dedication to their job was genuinely disheartening. I personally feel that one requires dedication and commitment to a cause to do a god job resulting in a successful result. But each to their own I suppose.

Overall, it was definitely a great four days filled with plenty of learning and plenty of drinking! I would fully recommend this training to any future Sabbatical officers.

Currently listening to – Lately by The Helio Sequence

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I got my first big paycheck a few days ago and I can assure that I’ve wasted no time in channelling all my efforts into finding out ways how to spend it all.

Its quite thrilling to get recognized for your efforts, monetarily or otherwise. While my job has President has not been demanding yet, I think the pressure will kick once term starts. And I don’t mean that as a negative thing. Pressure is good. It gives me something to do.

I’ve invested a part of the paycheck in a Leica Slide Projector which should arrive in a couple of days. In order to have some material for the projector, I need to go and get all my Velvia processed which is more than it sounds since the only lab that does E6 processing in the vicinity is about an hour journey away.

Life has been on and off for the past month, hence the lack of posts here. My dad reminded me today about the blog and I though it would be good to post an update. Satisfaction is something that is a rarity these days. Photography is my source of solace and joy. Sometimes I just want to pack my bags with a camera and film and go travelling. Anywhere. Somewhere. If only life was that simple.

Sometimes things just seem so pointless and mundane. And then a phone call to the parents solves it all, they are a magic source of energy and inspiration, a reason for survival.

Hopefully I’ll be uploading some photos soon once I get all the film back after its been processed.

Till then.

Currently listening to – Yaaron Dosti by KK

Update – You can find the much awaited photos here.

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Many of you may know that I won the elections for the President of my Students’ Union earlier this year.

What most of you will not know is the sheer amount of effort that went into this election. Sleepless nights, hours of phone calls, endless brainstorming. All the blood, sweat and caffeine did pay off in the end with a record breaking victory. Now whether victory was worth it or not is another question.

Was it worth my degree? Only time will tell. I got my final year results today and only got a 2.1 degree. Not the 1st degree that I had dreamed of when I came to University. Not the 1st degree I had in mind whenever I studied. But a 2.1. It is disappointing, I’m not going to argue that and I am solely to blame for it. For not knowing how to balance my extra curricular activities and my academics, this is what I get. A very expensive lesson. Then again, I think, maybe it was worth it? Learning more about life than a classroom could ever teach and meeting people from all walks of life may have made me a better man. Again, I dont know, only time will tell. But I can say one thing for certain – this wont stop me from achieving what I want to do. Passion and perseverance can take a man much farther in life than a mere degree can.

My 3 memorable weeks in India have also come to an end. I enjoyed every single moment I spent at home and I was rather reluctant to leave for England but hey, that’s life. I’m back in sunny England now and I’m already missing the smiling faces of Hyderabad. I honestly dont believe that I will be able to settle in England in the long term of life. Even though it can promise riches beyond my dreams, it cannot give me the simple pleasures of India. And I’ve learnt that in life, its the small things that make the big differences.

Currently listening to – Your Blue Room by U2/Brian Eno

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Father.

Not a day of my life goes by when I don’t think about you. When I achieve something, I remember your advise which helped me succeed, I hope that you’d be proud of me. In times of trouble and pain, I remember your support and words of courage. When someone pats me on the shoulder, it reminds me of the way of you encourage me. When I see a father and his young son, it reminds me of the times when you patiently answered all my questions, no matter how big or small without any hesitation. When I smile to myself, its usually because I’m thinking of a time when you made me laugh. When I cry, its because I think I’ve let you down. Everytime I wear one of your old shirts, I try to impersonate you.

Happy Fathers Day, Dad. I cannot imagine a better father than you.

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We started a bonfire in our backyard last night to burn dried plants and weeds. The bonfire had been on the books for a few months now and yesterday, we finally thought we should get down to it before it starts raining again.

Fire is such a mystical phenomenon. It brings the most refined of us back to our Neanderthal instincts. We stood there, mystified by its beauty, by its ethereal dancing flame, by its magical property to produce heat. We threw wood, cardboard, Ouzo and every inflammable object we could find into it. We scoured the house looking for any old bits of cardboard and wood lying around. We discovered that Dominoes pizza boxes burn green and wood was by the far the only material that kept burning forever. The crude but beautiful fire made me feel like a man, as we stood around it, topless watching the flame burn higher and higher.

As the flame settled itself into a rhythm, we sat around with a couple of pints talking about life and its mysterious ways, we spoke about things we normally never talk about, revealed secrets to each other, we bonded. We felt like cavemen sitting about a fire making ourselves warm in the chill of the night but we loved it so much. It was an experience unlike any other. It was an experience of manliness, bonding and becoming friends all over again.

It was not anything extravagant, it cost us nothing except a couple of drinks and some matchsticks but I can honestly say that it was one of the most pleasant nights of my life.

Time flew and before we realized it, we had been sitting there for three hours and it was nearly midnight. Watching the flame burn, rise and fall turned out be a surprisingly captivating activity, its funny how the smartest of brains still continue to be confounded by one of nature’s simple elements. The embers slowly kindled before we finally decided to call it a day and put the fire out by creatively pissing on it.

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…but all you know is just a drop in the ocean.

Contrary to public assumption, I did not come up with the above while revising for my exams but rather when I attempted to read this. Having just got delivery of 5 rolls of 35mm Kodak Ektar, I was quite excited about the prospect of shooting good films again. I decided to read up on it in order to maximise the utility of the film, as they did cost a bit of money and as we all know, money is hard to come by these days. My hunt for optimising Ektar brought me to the page above and as I kept scrolling through, the page kept going on and I realized that there was practically an endless amount of knowledge on the relatively small topic of film photography.

After a quick stroll in the fields near my house with some of the newly bought Ektar 100, a 28mm lens and my beloved Canon AE-1P, I rediscovered my love for film photography and the all the thrills that it brings. It makes all the problems in life disappear, it wondrously removes all the worries from life, and presents a serene, calm and peaceful vision of the world. It is so magical that I think I may give up eating just to afford more film.

Next stop is to get my hands on some Medium Format Velvia 50, the legendary landscape slide film that I am yet to try and some Tri-X, arguably my favourite Black and White film to date although I have to say that Neopan 1600 is very beautiful in low light. However, there are still so many more films for me to try and experience, and I imagine my opinion will change over time. I can hardly call myself an expert in film photography, having probably shot around 50 rolls or so. But I think I can still call myself a film connoisseur.

Film forever.

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Earlier today, a good friend of mine told me “Kishor, you know what your problem is? You are too determined and have too much ambition.” Last week, my housemate told me “Kishor, if you ever got asked in an interview what your one bad habit is, I think you should say that you are too helpful.” A couple of weeks ago, I kept thinking to myself, I’m too much of a laid back Hyderabadi, I need to do more work.

What am I? Who am I? What do I want? I do not know. Days carry on like a mad rollercoaster and I just hang on for dear life. Sometimes life seems pointless, and at other times, I never want it to end. Spend too much time thinking about it and you end up falling into its trap. Dont think, do. Dont ponder, act. Dont deliberate, react. Such is life.

The minimal faith I have in democracy has let me down once again with the recent news of a hung parliament in England and after our ‘Union Conference’ today, touted to be the biggest democratic gathering of students, was attended by 46 people. It is tragic that the common man is bothered with nothing except what goes on inside the 4 wall of his house. While this make him a very easy person to deal with, it also makes him a passive member of society, not actively contributing. But hey, I dont blame him! Its hard enough to keep up with our own life, let alone others!

With the exams only a couple of weeks away and our Big British Fete only a week away, there is no lack of things to do but somehow I seem to lack the drive to revise. The motivation has gone for lunch, and hopefully it’ll be back soon. On the other hand, I’m always itching to take up a new photo project. I’m working on ‘Project Untitled’ with a friend, pondering a new portraiture project and considering another project about England.

After going through this set of photos of the Vietnam War, I have once again been inspired to become a photo journalist. Those photos definitely touched a soft spot and have sparked up my love for capturing human emotions on film. Travel the world to conflict areas, risk your life for that perfect shot, witness conditions that you would normally never set foot in, smuggle out film by whatever means possible, it would be worth it all to change the lives of millions with one heart touching photograph. And even if you never manage to get that photograph that would the world will know, you’ve still had a bloody good time doing what you love. And you can even tell your grandchildren stories of all the crazy scenes you experienced.

But enough of the ramblings, as Shaggy sang, life is one big party when you’re still young…..

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I have not had human contact for just over 50 hours now. It has not been fun. It will be another 12 hours until I  meet another fellow human being, most probably the librarian.

It has driven me to the edge of my sanity and back. The first half wasnt so bad, I watched some funny movies (Galaxy Quest & Harold and Kumar), read a lot, and spoke to my parents once. The second half was pure unadulterated madness. Crazy thoughts swarming around my head, a mish mash of everything I’ve read over the past week, Carl Sagan, Bret Easton Ellis, Pete Lunn, Jiddu Krishnamurti.

Carl Sagan’s ‘Pale Blue Dot‘ is perhaps too revolutionary for the mind to handle. Too many questions arise, what  is the significance in such insignificance; why take the effort; what can we do to make a difference and so on. I plan on reading his book,’Cosmos‘ soon to see where it leads me.
Jiddu Krishnamurti’s ‘This Matter of Culture’ is also revolutionary and thought provoking, encouraging you to ‘break free’ out of this monotonous life dictated by society, rebel against the everything you’ve ever learned, question everything you cannot verify for yourself, dont aspire to be someone, rather accept who you are and live life for yourself.
Bret Easton Ellis’ infamous ‘American Psycho‘ is much more uninhibited than the movie. While it is quite unlike the other books I’m reading, the style of Ellis’ writing is strangely captivating  and more than often, you find yourself lost in his world. It is unnecessarily highly detailed and the intricate descriptions of even the smallest of objects is both a turn on and a turn off.
Pete Lunn’s ‘Basic Instincts‘(which I have a signed copy of) is another book that does a marvellous job of arousing the brain. Written on the topic of Behavioural Economics, it investigates the very basic theories of economics upon which my entire University education has been based upon and successfully manages to smash some of the primary economic theories which we had always taken for granted as students. It has gotten me thinking, about economics, about what this education is going to lead to, and why I began studying economics in the first place.

I am yet to finish all the books, I’m reading them all a bit by bit and giving myself time to think, ponder and realize. The Art of Manliness is a blog I have recently become a fan of. Its got excellent articles on ‘being a man’ and would probably do much good for a lot of people I know. It has also stirred some thoughts which I’ve temporarily buried for dealing with later because I may actually go clinically mad if I try and deal with everything at once. Their latest blog post encourages you to be simple with everything in life while also being smart and efficient. I’ve been contemplating that concept while taking some long soaks in the bathtub which I must add, is quite possibly one of best relaxation techniques invented by mankind.

Writing a 10,000 word dissertation with all these questions in your head takes some effort. In addition to that, I have that ever itching trigger finger wanting to go and take some photos on beautiful beautiful film but cannot do so because film is so fucking expensive, both to buy and process. Meanwhile, I look forward to the Big British Fete on the 15th of May, which I’m partly organizing and it will have the usual plethora of Real Ale, BBQs, lots of games and a Queen tribute band to top it all off. Apart from that, there is the inevitable Presidency coming up where I will the leader of 12,000 students and a £4.5 million organization. Fun. I will also most probably doing  a photoshoot with a friend, planned for the next couple of months which should satisfy my unquenchable thirst for photography. And I’ll be heading into that wonderful city they call London, sometime in the near future, which means I’ll have to cut my hair and shave my beard.

I’ve also learnt that the sharper you dress, the more respect you earn. Clothes dont make the man you say? What a load of bollocks. If there is one thing you can learn from this article, make sure you pay attention to your appearance. Comb your hair, iron your clothes, dress sharp, look smooth, polish your shoes and walk with your head held high. And if you’ve got the time, make sure you watch ‘The Wrestler‘, the movie teaches you more about life in 100 minutes than an average school does in a year.

As I sit here, my head is processing too much. What am I doing here, what should I eat for dinner, where will I go next in life, what do I really want to do with my life, what I will most probably end up doing, when will I buy a gorgeous 500cc Bullet, why are most women so completely mindless, when will the world realize Vinyl is better than MP3, and why, oh, why is KFC the most delicious meal I can get in this country‽ (Yes, that is an Interrobang)

What next?

I dont know. I’m just a kid stuck in a Bass Trap. Life is sometime too confusing for its own good. Ignorance is bliss, they say. Alas, I am yet to experience that bliss because they also told me that knowledge is power. Is power worth the effort? I dont know.

I only hope that my father was right when he told me that confusion is the beginning of clarity.

PS – If this post makes absolutely no sense, I apologize.

PPS – I’ve also made a much needed update to the ‘About Me‘ page.

Currently listening to – Greatest Love of All by Whitney Houston (on the recommendation of Patrick Bateman)

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• Playing music as loud as I want.
• Singing along to the music. (horribly out of tune)
• Taking up all the space in the fridge & freezer.
• Washing up dirty dishes at my own pace.
• Doing laundry whenever I want.
• Long showers and baths.

And that is pretty much the list of privileges I get when I’m alone at home. However, the list of things I miss is much longer than that. Sitting around with the boys talking about girls, cooking together, fighting over who gets into the shower first, playing drinking games to the stupidest of movies, going for big shopping trips, the list is endless.

Its the Easter holidays and I’ve been left alone at home as my fellow housemates have gone to their respective houses while I’m stuck here doing my dissertation. Spending time alone has shown me how important socialising is. It can drive you insane and without someone to speak to, I wouldnt be surprised if you ended up killing yourself.

In a strange coincidence, I came across this NGC experiment on Solitary Confinement and found it very interesting and informative. Give it a read if you’ve got some time.

Man is indeed a social animal. Talking, interacting, discussing, laughing, are things that are much more important for survival than having a job or a house. I have discovered this the hard way but hopefully I’ll be able to get through the next few weeks without wielding an axe and running around the house looking for things to break.

With nothing to ponder about, my mind has been wandering like a little kid in a candy store and thinking about the most random of things. I had a dream last night that I owned a pub in England, a couple of nights ago I had a dream about being swarmed by rolls of film and before that, I’ve had several dreams about Hyderabad and my family.

As usual, music has been a solace. Prabhudeva, you’re my hero and long live the retro music! And women, as always, have been nothing but a cause for getting worked up unnecessarily. Overall, the situation seems to be under control albeit with the occasional problem but hey, thats life!

Currently listening to – Urvasi Urvasi – Kadhalan

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