What I think I want in life…
First of all, apologies for not posting anything in the last month. After my blog was taken down, I had to start everything from scratch and my real life commitments had left me with my little time to pursue my online duties. I am still in the process of restoring a full service but I hope the current provisions are sufficient in the meantime. Manually rebuilding each single post and page is going to take some time, bring back a lot of lost memories and hopefully the blog will be back to its former glory shortly.
I will move on swiftly to the events and activities that have kept me occupied over the last few weeks. Job applications, interviews, high hopes, low realities, joys, failures and the usual plethora of life’s emotions. I continue to struggle to understand the next steps in life with a sense of clarity proving to be an elusive sentiment. However, I also realize that pain and the feeling of being lost are an essential part of growing up and embracing them is key to finding the right direction. Fighting on in the face of adversity is something I have been taught to believe in from a very young age, and I am not going to give in to short-term constraints.
After a deep and philosophical discussion on the phone with one of my best friends, I came to the conclusion that, for now, what I seek in life is a challenge to tackle. Believing in myself, working on a project that I know will positively contribute to the people around me, and successfully achieving it. Finding new ideas, exploring opportunities to apply myself, improve existing infrastructure, make processes more efficient, do my part by contributing towards making the world a better place. Perseverance, determination, passion. What I also understand is that I am perhaps being way too ambitious for my own good, I hope to find an opportunity where I can apply myself fully.
To date, the most thrilling and satisfying time of my life that I still look back at is during the elections in early 2010 for the President of the Students’ Union. Around 4 hours of sleep daily for a few weeks while tackling elections, lectures, classes, societies, sports clubs, nights out, socializing, all at the same time provided me with an unrivaled sense of pressure and joy. I still miss those days. I am yet to find the same pleasure in anything that I have done since. That is what I seek. That pressure, that pain, that joy, that satisfaction, that sense of duty.
Maybe I am completely wrong, maybe the world does not provide such opportunities for the young ones, maybe I am trying to punch above my weight, maybe I will have to wait for 20 years working in a standard job, climbing the greasy pole slowly and be satisfied with the outcome. Who knows? Only time will tell.
Currently listening to – Fire and Soul by The Cranberries