Note – Names are abbreviated for the sake of privacy. I apologize in advance for the excessive swearing, it is done for the sake of accuracy.
Below is a recollection of a normal night out with friends in Hyderabad.
*we enter a typical Hyderabad bar on a Friday night*
Us – Waiter, table for 6!
Waiter – Sir, very busy today, minimum 20 minutes wait.
Us – Eh, balls, here’s some money, find us a table.
Waiter – Thank you sir, just 2 minutes.
*15 minutes later*
Us – Where’s our table?
Waiter – Just 2 minutes sir.
UV – Fuck you, you said that half an hour ago. Look at that table there? We’re taking it.
Waiter – But sir..
TB – Shut up, do you know who his father is?
Waiter – Okay sir, please come along.
*we take the table. It is important to note at this point that there are only 4 of us as 2 are always inevitably late*
TB – Should we order now or wait for them?
KK – It is probably rude not to wait.
RK – VS just messaged me saying he is on his way.
UV – That means he just left home, he will be another hour with this traffic.
TB – Okay, let’s order then, what does everyone want?
*after squabbling for 10 minutes about what to drink and eat and eventually deciding on our regular order*
TB – Waiter, 4 KF, one Antiquity blue, one Old Monk, one Thums Up, one chilli chicken and one crispy corn.
UV – Eh, VS is vegetarian rey!
TB – Oh, and one Veg Manchurian.
Waiter – Antiquity Blue and Old Monk, small or large sir?
KK & UV – Ah, small is enough for now.
Waiter – Sir, take large na, only 20 rupees more.
KK & UV – Ah, fuck it, large then!
*waiter goes to bring our order*
Waiter – Sir, here are your food and drinks.
TB – Well done, what is your name?
Waiter – Rajesh, sir.
TB – Very nice Rajesh, we will call you again when we want to order more and you should come immediately.
*first round finished*
RKK – How much did I drink rey?
UV & KK – I’m still sober rey, order more.
RK – Chill mama, take it easy. Just enjoy the view.
TB – Waiter! Same order repeat & 2 KF Strong.
*drinks arrive*
TB – Bottoms up ah?
UV – Come on! Let’s celebrate!
KK – What are we celebrating?
UV – Who cares? Drink up!
RK – Chill mama, take it easy.
*4 rounds of drinks later*
RKR – How much did I drink?
KK – I’m still sober.
UV – I’m bored, let’s go on a drive to Novotel.
VS – I want more Veg Manchurian.
TB – Eh, what is that only vegetarian food? Get some chilli chicken also, call Ramesh! RAMESH!
Waiter – Sir, my name is Rajesh.
UV – I don’t care what your name was, now its Ramesh, get us one Veg Manchurian and one Chilli Chicken. RK, you want anything?
RK – *no reply* just sits and smiles, while staring at the table of girls next to us.
*lost count of number of rounds*
UV – Let’s get more drinks, RAMESH!
TB – Fuck this place, one day we’ll be rich and won’t have to come to shitty bars like this, we’ll drink at Taj like there’s no tomorrow!
RKR – But we will probably still get food from Chinese bandi.
KK – Mama, why you’ll take feelings? Chinese bandi is the best! RK, why do you say?
RK – *still no reply*
TB – RK is gone. Wait for sometime, he’ll start singing telugu songs about his dream girl.
*bar is closing*
Waiter – Sir, you need to settle the bill.
TB – Bashteds, what bill, do you know who my father is?
UV – This bill is wrong, I only had 6 Antiquity Blue, call the manager!
Waiter – No sir, you had 7.
RKR – 6 or 7, who cares, just pay the bill and let’s get the fuck out of this place.
RK – Okay okay, everyone just chill, let’s see how much money we have.
*after scrounging for every single coin in our pockets, we settle the bill and leave*
KK – Fuck, how are we going to get back home?
RK – Chill mama, you go with RKR.
KK – RKR is too drunk to stand, how the hell is he going to use a bike??
RKR – Fuck you bastards, I’m always ishteady.
TB – Matchi, don’t worry, he’s fine, he just threw up in the corner.
KK – Okay whatever, I’m not going triples though.
*on the bike, going triples*
KK – I’m hungry, lets stop for some food.
RKR – Just shut up, I’m not stopping anywhere.
*reach xyz’s house*
One is passed out, other is sick in the toilet, one is staring at the stars being philosophical, and RK is standing with a bottle of vodka – “more drink anyone?”
Just another night out in Hyderabad.